A Grisly End for Geoffrey

Written By Jimmy Mengel

Posted May 24, 2018

I used to be a Toys “R” Us kid.

I’m somewhat ashamed to admit that. The place was a complete orgy of mindless consumerism. 

But, for better or worse, kids today won’t even have the option anymore. Toys “R” Us has declared bankruptcy. The iconic toy store chain will be shutting its stores for good after a liquidation sale.

What fate will befall Geoffrey the giraffe remains to be seen…

I grew up with the toy store being a carrot for me when I got a good report card, had a great baseball game, or impressed my parents by doing chores they didn’t ask me to do. There isn’t anything much more exciting for a little kid than strolling through a mega-store filled with toys and being told you could pick out anything you want.

It was a treasure trove and I loved going there. So, when I heard that it was going under, I had to take my kids for one last hurrah.

You see, over the years, we’ve accumulated numerous gifts cards for the store that had gone unused. My wife and I had no less than $300 in Toys “R” Us gift cards.

But what went down after we arrived not only laid waste to my fond childhood memories, it also infuriated me to the point of hysteria…

Knowing that we had hundreds of dollars about to expire, we loaded the kids into the car and told them they could have a toy shopping spree — something I absolutely would never do otherwise.

I told the kids that they could load up the cart with whatever their little minds desire.

My son did the right thing — he picked out a pair of boxing gloves and a boxing dummy that scores points when you hit him.

My daughter picked out a closet-worth of doll clothes. Fair enough…

They each added a few other useless items and we excitedly pulled the loaded cart up to the checkout counter. That’s when things went south. I greeted the cashier and placed all of the toys onto the conveyor belt.

She kindly rang them up and told me the total was $233.12.

“Perfect! Hey kids, we can go pick out a few more things!”

The kids shrieked with excitement. Until I asked my next question…

“Would you mind telling me how much is left on these cards,” I said as I splayed the five gift cards on the counter like a royal flush.

“Oh. I, I… I can’t scan those,” she sheepishly stammered.

That’s fine, I said. Just enter the barcode number, or whatever you have to do. I figured we’d finish shopping while she calculated the total.

“No, we can’t accept gift cards anymore.”

I was confused. Clearly people had spent real cash on these cards, and I didn’t at all understand how they could simply render them useless. I bottled my rising anger and asked again.

“What can I do with all of this money then?”

“Nothing. The cards are no longer valid. I’m so sorry,” she said.

Now, I’m not one to take out my frustrations on clerks — I know that they have no choice in the matter. I also don’t want to lose my shit in front of my children, or a line full of happy strangers with carts full of toys. I politely asked to speak to a manager.

That didn’t help.

The manager said that they stopped accepting them on April 22nd.

“Didn’t you see it on the news?” she asked, inexplicably.

I simply sighed. No, of course I didn’t you maniac. Why else would I be here with a fistful of gift cards and a cart full of toys? I may or may not have uttered an expletive and screamed “highway robbery!”. I asked if there was anywhere to lodge a formal complaint and she quickly retreated to her desk and returned with a crumpled piece of paper.

Customers holding unredeemed Gift Cards, Geoffrey Money or other tender no longer accepted in other stores after 4/22/18 may access additional information on line at

https://cases.primeclerk.com/toys-rus/Home-DocketInfo?DockSearch-Value=2344 and reference docket # 2344, paragraph 18 on page 10.

That’s user-friendly! I’m sure thousands of people are going through that trouble to claim what is rightfully theirs.

That brings me to my main point: gift cards are a complete scam. In fact, customers spend over $130 billion on gift cards per year, according to a study by TowerGroup.

Around $1 billion of that goes unspent!

In essence, people are basically burning a billion bucks a year.

Here’s a much better gift to give children, and it may not be as fun or exciting as an expiring gift card, but could set them up for life…

The gift of investing is the best gift you can give to a young loved one. I know from experience…

My grandmother bought me savings bonds each year for my birthday, and kept them in a special file. Once they matured, she gave them to me to help me buy my first car.

My grandfather gave me gold and silver coins every year for Christmas — which are now worth far more than when I got them.

My father regularly bought me stock in several companies, and when I turned 21, he handed them over to me. I still own them today…

I’ve started doing this for my kids as well, but through a special kind of stock account.

If you invest $4,000 into an account like this around the birth of a child or grandchild and let it ride — meaning you never even contribute another penny to that investment — that $4,000 will compound to around $1 million by the time they turn 65. That is assuming a 9% return — which, with most of the plans I recommend, is completely within the realm of possibility.

So instead of throwing money down the drain on gift cards that may never get used, think about giving children a gift that will last a lifetime.